#2040
Coffee Shop romance...
Date: 03/24/2002
From: Lita_Cotton_Tail
............................................................
<Lita and Evil Mike are on one of the tables>
Lita & EM: *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* *smooch* *kiss*
Manager: Um. You guys better quit that.
EM: <with his mouth full> Geft lofffth
Lita: Yealh. Giff uth stholm pfihvathy
<Suddenly, Sheriff Alan Hale comes in the door!>
Lita: Ack! <she stops kissing Evil Mike really fast and tries to adopt an innocent expression. She whispers to Evil Mike…> Evil Mike! Try not to look drunk!
Sheriff Hale: Er… I got a call there was a disturbance here?
Manager: Yes, officer! Those two… <he poins at Lita and EM> Those two… *perverts* were fornicating on that table!
Lita: We were not *fornicating*!
Manager: Yes you were! I saw you!
Sheriff Hale: You can't do that in a public place, Ma'am. Hey… don't I know you from somewhere?
Lita: No… We've never met. And Evil Mike and I weren't fornicating! We were just kissing!
Manager: On *my* table! And I told the two of you to stop! Officer, you have to arrest these two!
Sheriff Hale: Miss, that kind of behavior is unsanitary. I'll have to take the two of you in.
Lita: But-- Phafhfhgaghfkdhgkdhga lets us make out at his bar all the time!
Manager: Well, I'm not Phafhfhgaghfkdhgkdhga, am I?
EM: IIIIII'm nnnod drunk!
Lita: Mike! Shh!
Sheriff Hale: Public drunkenness, eh? Come on. And I'll have to check out that Phafhfhgaghfkdhgkdhga's establishment. We have laws about public decency around here.
***
<Back at Diabolik's lair, the phone is ringing! Mickey answers.>
Mickey: Hewwo?
Lita: <on the phone> Mickey! You gotta help me! Evil Mike and I got arrested and--
Mickey: No, I'm sorry. (tee-hee!) I don't want to change my long distance carrier.
Lita: The hell? Mickey, it's me! Lita! Now listen to me because I only get one phone call and I need somebody to post bail--
Mickey: Sorry. I told you. We're happy with the phone service we have.
Lita: Mickey! What's wrong with you??? This is important! <There is a pause, then…> Heeeyyy… I know what this is about! You're still mad at me because of that whole Marvin thing, aren't you?
Mickey: No, I know it might save me a buck or two, but I just don't like dialing all those 10s. Bye!
Lita: MICKEY!!1!!!1!!--
Mickey: <hangs up> Tee-hee! I'll just let them sweat it out a while…
Rimmer: Let who sweat what out a while?
Mickey: Ack! Nobody! Ack!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is stayin' at the 'ol Gray Bar Motel
#2041
Rimmi: OK.....
Date: 03/24/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
I'll go bust Lita and Evil Mike out of jail.
Mickey: OK, you can borrow my car (Throws Rimmi the keys).
Cow: Hey! You told me it was in the shop!
Mickey: Well...um...it's not anymore. Yeah, that's it.
Cow: Oh, cut the bull...
Rimmi: So, I'll be back later!
(Rimmi leaves)
Mickey: So, anyone want to wake up Tork?
Gramps: Good fer' nothin' yun uns. Using magic when it ain't nessescary.
Mickey: Gramps!
Gramps: OK, ok (Hits Tork with his walker)
Mickey: Gramps! We want to wake him up, not give him a concussion! Oh crap! I just realized, we need to go get some popsicles. It's supposed to snow tonight.
Gramps: What about RoboWhipperSnapper?
Mickey: Just load him into the wheelbarrow.
Cow: Can I comooe?
Mickey: Sure (sighs) why not.
Cow: YAY! I never get to go out, moorons.
(Mickey, Cow, Gramps, and Tork all leave the lair and lock it up. It starts to snow)
Gramps: Hey! I forgot my walker!
Mickey: OK, I'll just get my keys...my keys and...CRAP!!!!!
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
Inspired by actual events!
#2042
Desk Cop: All right, here they are...
Date: 03/26/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Desk Cop: …now leave me alone.
<The Desk Cop sits back down behind his desk and goes back to doing what he was before Rimmer showed up and bothered him, which was reading a comic book and eating an apple. He's just let Lita and Evil Mike out of their cell, and now they're free to go. Lita and Evil Mike are both wearing black and white striped prison uniforms, and they are shackled together at the ankle. Lita also has a ball and chain on her other foot.>
Rimmer: So. Are you two ready to go?
Lita: I guess we are. How'd you get us out, Rimmi? How much was our fine?
Rimmer: Not that much, actually. <she lowers her voice to a whisper> I just used a couple of "Get out of jail free" cards I stole from Tork's Monopoly game. Don't tell him.
Lita: All right. Thanks! <she turns to Evil Mike.> Oh, Evil Mike! I'm so glad we're out of there! Now we can go back to the lair, and things can go back to normal!
EM: <who is hiding the fact that he's thrilled he finally has a chance to use this line on Lita> I don't know, Lita. There's something about prison life. It hardens a man. Makes him cold. I don't know if I can ever be the same.
Lita: Oh, Mike!
EM: Lita, can you still love a man who's done time?
Lita: Oh, Mike! You know I do!
<Lita and Evil Mike are just about to kiss, but at the last second Rimmer sticks her hand between them to block their mouths from actually touching each other.>
Lita & EM: <who are surprised to find that they are now kissing either side of Rimmer's hand.> Mmmph!
Rimmer: Might I remind the two of you that kind of behavior is what got you into so much trouble in the first place? We'd better go. You two try to contain yourselves at least until we get back to the lair-- hey, why are you two still dressed like that? With the chains and stuff?
Lita: Er… we don't have the keys to these.
Rimmer: *sigh* I have to do everything for you people. <She pounds a couple of times on the Desk Cop's desk.> Hey! Jail guy! You forgot to unchain my friends!
<The Desk Cop ignores her. In fact, he's doing all he can to give that impression that he's going to continue ignoring her for as long as it takes, so she may as well just leave and quit bugging him.>
Rimmer: Ok. Fine. I guess we have a hacksaw somewhere back home. Let's go.
<Lita picks up her ball and chain and she and Evil Mike start to shuffle out of the jail after Rimmer>
Rimmer: Hey, I just noticed something. Lita, how come you have a ball and chain and Evil Mike doesn't?
EM: Oh, believe me. I've got one of my own, all right. <he nods his head at Lita>
Lita: Evil Mike!!!
EM: What?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#2043
Mickey: OK, don't panic....
Date: 03/26/2002
From: HopalongMickey
<<<Don't Panic Mode>>>
Gramps: What's this white stuff falling from the sky? WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mickey: Okay.
Cow: Great! I'moo going to die with you moorons!
Tork (Finally wakes up): We're all going to die?! Damn it's cold...
Mickey: NO ONE'S GOING TO DIE!!!!!
Gramps: Yes, we are. I can feel it in my bones!
Tork: Tell Nuveena, I love her......
Mickey: Look on the horizon, headlights...We're saved!!!!!!! Er...not that there was saving that needed to be done to us, of course.
Cow: Rimoomooi's back.
(Rimmi, Lita, and Evil Mike get out of the Big Misunderstood Sex Machine aka the armored car from the beginning of Diabolik that was once a time transport but isn't anymore and I forgot the alt code to get one of those copyright symbols so get off my back about that)
Gramps: And she brought...TWO Hamburglars? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..................(Runs off, well as fast as he can, anyway)
Rimmi: What was that about?
Mickey: I don't know. Give me my keys back. (Looks at Lita and Evil Mike) Well,
Evil Mike: Shutup.
Mickey: Okay.
Rimmi (whispers to Lita): You know, now may not be the best time to tell him 42 was still inside.
Lita: Gotcha.
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
Heh heh...oops.
#2044
Tork: My head really hurts
Date: 03/26/2002
From: Tork_110
<Back at Diabolik's lair, Tork rubs his head. While he's trying to focus, he notices something on his finger.>
Tork: Funny, I don't usually wear a ring.
<Tork looks at the other members of GROPE. He waits patiently for them to tell him that the ring has special powers but now he has to go on a quest to get rid of it, but instead...>
Rimmi: Don't you remember?
Mickey: How could you forget? gramps got even more drunk then he usually does.
Tork: What are you talking about? Wait!...I remember being in the woods...Nuveena was there talking about something... *GASP* NOOOOOOOOOO! She got married!
cow: Yup. She sure did. Why would she want to be with a loser like you?
<Tork weeps bitterly. He is starting to put the pieces together.>
Tork: I must of gotten drunk afterwards. I don't remember anything!
Familiar voice: Not even your wife?
Tork: ??
<Tork looks up to see .... Sunday! She is wearing an apron and a large wedding ring.>
Tork: ??!!!?!?!!!
<Tork doesn't say anything, but you should see the expression on his face! Give this man an Oscar!>
Sunday: Do you remember this?
<Sunday leans in to kiss Tork, but at the last second she punches him in the gut.>
Tork: *pant* *cough* *gasp!* That IS familiar.
Lita: awww! Don't they make a cute couple?
Tork: Look, Sunday, I was drunk. This marriage won't last.
Sunday: What? You don't like me?
<Sunday cries. Everyone else is disgusted. EM and Rimmi argue over who should punch Tork.>
Tork: But, but, but...
Mickey: Who thinks we should vote Tork out of GROPE?
<Everyone raises there hands.>
Rimmi: Get out of here, Tork.
<Rimmi starts to sharpen her sword. Tork gets the poin. He walks over to Sunday.>
Tork: Look, I'm really sorry, but...
<Sunday quickly punches him and resumes crying.>
Tork: Ooof!
Sunday: *sniff* HEY, what are those, Tork?
<Sunday poins at Tork's feet. Tork looks at his feet, but sees nothing. After some confusion, Sunday convinces Tork to take off the leg of his costume and sees a familiar sock.>
Tork: What is this? "T and N 4ever"?
<In walks N. Or should I say....Nastia!>
Tork: !!!!!!
Nastia: Hi honey!
Sunday: Who are you talking to?
Nastia: My husband.
Sunday: He's MY husband.
<Tork is visibly shaking.>
Rimmi: Don't you have anything to say!?
Tork: Homina, homina, homina, heebehe hehbe hebhe!
Lita: Bigamy is wrong!
cow: And illegal!
Alan Hale: Did somebody say illegal?
<Yes, Alan Hale makes YET another appearance.>
EM: This man is married to two women, one who is a minor. Frankly, he sickens me.
<A very long conversation takes place. Actually, it just people yelling at each other at the top of their voices. The word "Utah" gets mentioned a few times. There is even some wrestling. Finally...>
cow: hehe!
Tork: (recovers for a second) This isn't funny!
Rimmi: Yes it is!
<Everyone starts to laugh. Tork now believes that he has lost his mind.>
Tork: ???!
Mickey: This was all just a prank!
Tork: ?!!!?!
Mickey: Well, you see, you were unconscious for a while, and ....
Lita: EM got this crazy idea. It was just too funny to pass up.
Tork: So I'm not married.
Rimmi: No.
Tork: Wait, is Nuveena married?
Lita: No. That was a brilliant ad lib by the cow.
Cow: Thank you very mooch. <THERE! I managed to get him to say moo.>
Tork: Why did my head hurt?
Mickey: gramps hit you. You'll notice he isn't here by the way.
Tork: And the sock? Why all the work to get me to notice something that I wouldn't have noticed until someone poined it out?
Sunday: There's a reasonable explanation for that, but I have to go now.
<Sunday punches Tork in the stomach, and leaves>
Tork: And you were all in on it?
Alan Hale: I wasn't! BLAH!
<Alan Hale leaves.>
Rimmi: I have to bring Nastia back to the ranch.
<Rimmi and Nastia leave.>
Tork: I guess it was kind of funny.
Lita: That's the spirit!
...
Tork: So, why are you dressed like that, Lita? Is that part of the prank?
Lita: umm, yeah. Sure! We just forgot to work it in.
...
Tork: What about these teeth marks on my throat? Where did they come from? And...
Mickey: ...Hey I know! wurwolf gave me some ice cream coupons!
Everyone left: YAY!!!
Tork_110
I would have had Mickey take Nastia back to the ranch, but after his encounter with TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS...
At least there weren't any penguin costumes.
It took me forever to write this, plus I had to change it after I saw the previous two replies. So LAUGH!
#2045
OK, I'm laughing!
Date: 03/26/2002
From: HopalongMickey
<<<HA HA HA! Mode>>>
That was pretty good Tork! //thumb
I'm wearing an MST3K T-Shirt right now!!!!!!!!*
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
*Wow, that's the first non rp post that's been made MST3K related in quite a while. YAY ME!!!!!!!!!
#2046
I thought it was funny, Tork.
Date: 03/26/2002
From: Lita_Cotton_Tail
............................................................
And that was a good fakeout too. I really thought you married Sunday for a minute! Yikes! Good reply. :o)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
owns two MST shirts,
but isn't wearing either of them today
#2047
[Back at MSTBlanca...]
Date: 03/27/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<RPing Again!!! Mode>>>
[OOC: I thought your reply was good Torrrk! Good and funny! //thumb]
[...PM, manosgirl (because she didn't say anything about going anywhere else), Sam, Buffalo, and the WOM are sitting around the big screen TV watching Vampire Based Programming. PM has just mixed up an Alka-Seltzer and is drinking it.]
[PM] GAH! Ooooh, that bubblegum ice cream isn't agreeing with me at all...
[Buffalo] Mebbee it were all o' them Jimmies yew got on iyit!
[PM, irritably] It wasn't the Jimmies! They were good and chewy!
[manosgirl] SSSHHH!!! The commercial's over!
[The focus changes to what they're watching on TV.]
[Bitsy the Werewolf Slayer] AAAAAAAA! The Master Werewolf stabbed me with a rusty knife and then dropped a heavy statue on me! Quick, Sunshine, call an ambulance!
[Sunshine] You don't care about me! It's always about you! "Sunshine, call me an ambulance!" "Sunshine, hand me a silver stake!" "Sunshine, look out for that hell-beast!" You're so selfish!!!
[Bitsy] So cold... lost too much blood... losing... conscou-- [She passes out.]
[Sunshine] Great! Now you're not paying attention to me at all! I think you got yourself mortally wounded on purpose! I HATE YOU!!! [Sunshine bursts into bitter tears and runs away.
[The focus returns to the bar.]
[Sam] That chick needs to mellow out.
[PM] Ever get the feeling Jossh hates his fans?
[manosgirl] I'm starting to.
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Since I can't think of anything else to advance the RP, what the hey?
Sarcophagus!
#2048
Sunshine?!
Date: 03/27/2002
From: Lita_Cotton_Tail
............................................................
DON'T YOU TELL ME YOU'RE BRINGING THAT LITTLE SNOT BACK!!! (You pretty much got her character down though.)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
has an idea to advance the rp,
but she hasn't written it yet
#2049
My plot furthering rp reply!!!
Date: 03/27/2002
From: Lita_Cotton_Tail
............................................................
<Lita and Evil Mike are seated on the floor of Diabolik's lair. Evil Mike has a saw, and he's working on getting the shackles off Lita's feet. (She wouldn't let him saw off his own chains first.) It's taking a real long time, and Evil Mike hasn't made much progress.>
Lita: Evil Mike, hurry up!
EM: Sorry, babe. These are really good chains, and this isn't a very good saw.
Lita: I don't like how close that saw is to my ankle. Be more careful!
EM: Lita, I have to saw close to your ankle. That's where the chain is.
Lita: Eeek! I can't look! <She covers her eyes> Evil Mike, if I start yelling, it's because you've accidentally started sawing into my leg, and I want you to stop. Ok?
EM: Believe me, if I ever saw your foot off, it won't be an accident.
Lita: AAAHHHH EVIL MIKE!!!11!!
EM: <Somewhat surprised at the outburst, he stops sawing> Gah! What!? The saw didn't touch you!!!
Lita: <She starts to cry> You want to saw my foot off!!!
EM: No I don--
Lita: Yes you do! You said you want to saw my foot off!!!
EM: Look! I was just saying…
<And it's just going to go on like this. This conversation isn't actually important at all. Lita just likes to get a lot of lines. But there *is* an actually important conversation going on right nearby. Let us listen to that one, shall we? Besides, I'm getting sick of the word, "saw.">
Rimmer: All right. We've had time to brainstorm. And now it's time to unleash our best revenge plan against Stumpy Leggius yet!!!
Tork: And what is that plan?
Rimmer: The plan is… <dramatic pause> I don't know!!!
Tork: You don't know? What kind of plan is that?
Rimmer: I was hoping if I stated it well enough, you wouldn't notice. No dice, huh?
Mickey: Fortunately for us, I have a plan!
cow: Really? What kind of stupid plan could a moooron like you comooe up with, Mooickey?
Mickey: It's a good plan! And here it is: We kill everybody PM has ever known or loved.
Lita: <pausing from her bickering with Evil Mike> No, Mickey.
Mickey: What's wrong with it?
gramps: For one thing, we can't kill everybody Pharqahshodolofloofafa knows, because he knows us. I'm not up for suicide, myself.
Mickey: Dammit! That bastard is always one step ahead!
Tork: So we're plan free once more, are we?
Mickey: No! I've got another plan! And it involves an old friend of mine…
<Everybody (except Lita and Evil Mike, of course, since they're busy messing with their chains) gets into a huddle and discusses the plan. A couple of minutes later, they break.>
Rimmer: That's a great idea! Let's do it!
***
<Some time later, a mysterious stranger shows up at MSTBlanca, and he's holding a wicker basket! Actually, he's not really a stranger. He's not even all that mysterious. He's actually Mickey wearing a clever disguise! See the big bushy fake moustache? That's why you didn't recognize him. Let's not tell Pharaoh Mobius who he really is!>
Definitely Not Mickey: <Talking really deep to disguise his voice.> Uh… Special delivery for a Mr. Pharaoh Mobius.
PM: That's me. What is it?
Clearly Not Mickey: <Talking really high-pitched to disguise his voice.> It's this basket. Take it!
PM: I don't know. Seems a little suspicious to me.
Would Never Dream of Being Mickey: <Forgetting to disguise his voice and speaking normally> Aw, just open it you big wimp! But wait until after I leave, all right?
<Mickey-In-Disguise thrusts the basket into PM's arms, rushes out the door, and runs back to Diabolik's Lair.>
PM: Ok. I guess I was being a little paranoid.
<PM opens the basket. There's a human skull inside!!!>
Skull: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!111111!!!!!!!!
PM: Gah!!
<He drops the basket on the floor and the lid falls shut. The screaming stops. Tentatively, he reaches toward the basket, and opens the lid just a crack. Nothing. He opens it all the way. The skull is gone.>
PM: Huh. That was odd.
Nabut: What was odd, my peach pi--uh… My liege?
PM: That skull. Didn't you hear all that screaming?
Nabut: Uh… No. I didn't.
Buffalo: Maybe whaht yew heard wars them thar peacocks a-hollerin' and a-caterwaulin' lahke they do!
PM: We don't have any peacocks, you moron! I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
<He heads over to his junk drawer and opens it up to find some gadget or other. What he sees instead, is the skull lying there in the drawer.>
Skull: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!1111!!1!!!!
PM: <Slams the drawer shut> Dammit!
Sam: Uh… What's the problem, Big Daddy?
PM: You didn't hear that? You didn't see the skull?
<Everybody in the bar shakes their heads "no.">
manosgirl: <whispers to the WoM> I think he might be a little crazy… <The WoM all nod in agreement.>
PM: I'll prove it to you! <He opens the drawer again. No skull.> Hmmmm…
<PM tries a cabinet several feet away. The skull is there. It's moved!>
Skull: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH11111!!1!!!!!!11!!1!
<PM reaches in to pull the skull out of the cabinet, but it bites him on the finger. He slams the cabinet door shut.>
PM: AHHHH!1!!!
<Several colorful phrases are uttered. Everybody else in the bar watches Pharaoh Mobius's odd behavior interestedly. But none of them can see or hear the skull. Has PM finally lost his marbles? (Dramatic music plays) Probably.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#2050
Something I just want to do!
Date: 03/27/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
This scene takes place right before PM's freakout!
(One of PM's shocktroopers catches up to I Can't Believe It's Not Mickey).
Shocktrooper: Hey, you're Mickey!
No Mickey (Bwoop bwoop): Mickey? No, I'm Guy Incognito.
Shocktrooper: Nice try, Mickey (Clobbers him with a flower pot and throws him into the street)
(Moments later, Mickey walks by with Ortega)
Mickey: (Poins at Guy): Omygod, this person is my exact double!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ortega: Errrrnnn!
Mickey: (GASP!! (poins again) That dog has a puffy tail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs off) Here Puff! Here Puff!!!!
Ortega: So, I guess I can go now, right?
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
Hooray for www.snpp.com!!!!!!!!!!!!
#2051
<Mickey enters Diabolik's Lair>
Date: 03/28/2002
From: Lita_Cotton_Tail
............................................................
<Lita, who is still sitting on the floor with Evil Mike and the saw, looks up at him.>
Lita: Oh, Mickey! You're back!
Mickey: Yes!
Lita: So you finished implementing that plan at MSTBlanca?
Mickey: No. Actually, I never made it to MSTBlanca. I was just at the pet shop preparing for my plan! I would have gotten the whole plan done by now, but I was distracted by this one really cool dog! Not to mention some guy who was my exaaact double--
Lita: Yeah. Whatever. What was your plan? Evil Mike and I never got to hear it. And what's in that wicker basket you're carrying?
Mickey: Oh, that's all part of the plan! <Mickey sets the basket on the floor next to Lita.> Just think about it. What's the most irresistibly cute thing in the universe?
Lita: <Opens the basket> Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww........ Kittens!!!
Mickey: That's right! Kittens! My idea was to get some of the cutest kittens in the world--
Lita: <holding several darling fuzzy big-eyed kittens> Aren't they just the cyootest-wootest widdle tingy-wingeys???
EM: Lita… don't ever talk like that again.
Lita: How can I help it?
Mickey: See??? That's the whole plan!!! Nobody can resist the adorableness of cute adorable little kittens! We give this basket of kittens to PM, and he'll be so wrapped up in them, he won't be able to get a darn thing done for weeks! We'll be able to do whatever we want to him, and he'll be defenseless!!!
Lita: Awwwww.... Look at this one! He loves me!!
Mickey: <accidentally looks at the kittens> Oh… that's just darling…
Rimmer: What are you guys talking abou--awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!1!!!! Kittens!!!
Tork: Did somebody say kittens? I wanna hold one!!!
<You get the idea. Before long everybody's all petting kittens, and kissing kittens, and talking baby talk to kittens… can you say "plan backfire"? The only one who's immune to the kittens irresistible cuteness is Evil Mike! The cad!>
EM: Each and every one of you is an idiot.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Awwwwwwwwww..... Kittens!!
#2052
[PM] There it is!!!1!1!!!
Date: 03/28/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Lookit!!! Mode>>>
[OOC: As a side note, the Sunshine our characters know and despise is still dead and gone. The Sunshine PM, manosgirl, et al were watching on TV was Sunshine *the TV character*. Trust me, I'm not bringing Sunshine back to the RP continuity!!! Anyway, back to the RP:]
[Nabut] I still don't see anything, my l-peac-- aw screw it! Boss!
[Sam] Are you sure you didn't get into my stash, Big Daddy?
[Buffalo] It were th' jimmies! Ah know iyit!!!
[PM] It wasn't the jimmies, already! And I'm not hallucinating!!!
[manosgirl] Of course you aren't, PM. And your sudden, irrational outbursts aren't frightening me in the least. Oh, look at the time! Must run. WoM, let's am-scray!
[manosgirl and the WoM leave hurriedly.]
[Rick, away from the rest of the action, on the phone] Yeah, you'd better come and check him out. I think the Boss may have blown a gasket!
--------------------------------------------------------
[Meanwhile, at Diabolik's lair...]
[EM] What the hell's wrong with you people?!?
[Rimmi] Hee hee!!! Kittiekittiekittie!!!
[EM] What's so great about little cats, anyway?
[Lita] 'Cause they're *kittens*, silly! Aaaawwwwwww!!!
[EM] Yeah, and before you know it they're gonna be crappin' all over the lair!
[Gramps, holding a kitten up to his face.] Poosshy poosshy pooshy!
[EM chuckles lasciviously.] Heh heh heh... Oh. [He stops chuckling, and looks annoyed.] He's talking about the cats.
[Suddenly, there's a banging on the door! I wonder who it is?]
[Gruff voice outside door] Hey, Mickey! Open up! Let us in, already!!!
[Everyone but EM ignores all the knocking and yelling. EM goes up to the door and peeks through the spy-hole. He sees a weird shark-headed demon with some vampire bodyguards!]
[EM] What do *you* losers want? Dumbass, I mean, Mickey can't come to th-- hey, is that you, Sharky?
[Sharky] Evil Mike? Yeah, it's me. Look, we just want the kittens your dopey friend Mickey owes us.
[EM] Kittens! Everybody's obsessed with the kittens! What's the deal?
[Sharky] Look, Evil Mike. We go back a long way, so I'll cut ya some slack. But we need to get them kittens now, capice?
[EM] Sure! I don't want the friggin' things around here, anyway! [He goes over to Lita.] Look, babe, we need to give all these kittens to Sharky and his gang.
[Lita, never taking her eyes off of the kitten she's holding.] Sharky? Who's that?
[EM] This guy I used to know. Okay, this *demon* guy I used to know. Anyway, turns out the kittens are his, so we need to hand 'em over!
[Lita] Nuh-UH! We're not handing these adorable kittens over to any demons! They're just gonna play poker for them, and then who knows what? Nope, you tell him to take a hike!
[EM] But babe, you don't wanna cross Sha--
[Rimmi] Any more talk of giving them the kittens, and I bring out Mr. Poiny McHappySackSlasher!
[EM] Oooookaaaaaay. [He goes back to the door.] Look, Sharky. No can do on the kittens. My girfriend say-- I mean, I don't feel like handing them over to you right now. Maybe later.
[Sharky] Well, we're not leaving 'til we get those kittens!
[EM] HA! Your boys won't last too long once the sun comes up! Didn't think of that, did ya, fish face?
[Sharky] I see you forget that the door to this lair is underground. My boys can last as long as you can. Longer, I'll wager.
[EM] Aww, Sh--
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Kittens!!! =)
Sarcophagus!
#2053
KITTENS!!111!!!1
Date: 03/30/2002
From: Lita_Cotton_Tail
111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
<Quite a long time has passed since we last saw GROPE. It is now the afternoon of the next day. Most of GROPE is still sitting around playing with the kittens. Evil Mike sits some way off, scowling.>
EM: <to himself> This is just the stupidest thing ever. They're just kittens, for crying out loud! We're all going to die over a bunch of stupid kittens! That's it. I can't take this anymore. Hey! Lita! Come here a minute! I want to talk to you!
Lita: <cuddling a particularly adorable kitten> Can't this wait? I'm busy! (Awwww… aren't you just soooooo sweeeeeeet…)
EM: Lita, it's been waiting for a really long time. It can't wait any longer.
<Evil Mike drags Lita away from the rest of the group. She takes her kitten with her.>
EM: Now--
Lita: Awwww…. Cuddly wuddly--
EM: Stop that! <He pulls the kitten out of her hands and tosses it back toward the rest of GROPE.>
Tork: <catches it> Ohhhhhh…. It's so *cute*!!!
Lita: Mike! That was my kitten! <She starts to go back to get it, Evil Mike stops her>
EM: Lita! Listen to me! <He takes her by the shoulders> I said listen to-- Lita-- <He takes her chin in his hand and turns her head so she's looking into his face> Listen to me.
<Away from the immediate influence of the kittens, Lita can actually almost think rationally.>
Lita: <clearly annoyed> Ok. What is it that's so important?
EM: Well, as I told you last night, there's a big scary shark demon outside with two big scary vampires, and they want those kittens.
Lita: Are they still there?
EM: Yes! And they aren't leaving without kittens. If we don't give them those stupid cats, we are going to *die*.
Lita: He's really willing to kill us all over kittens?
EM: Yes. That's what I'm saying. Are you willing to die for a bunch of kittens?
Lita: Er… Not really…
EM: I didn't think so. So I would suggest we round up those damn cats, and give them to Sharky before he--
Lita: What's he going to do with them?
EM: I don't know. I don't care to know. I just know it's probably better them than us.
Lita: *sigh* I guess we don't have any choice. Let's go get the kittens.
<Lita walks back over to where GROPE and the kittens all are.>
Lita: Bad news about these kittens, guys. <She picks one up> Turns out we have to… <She looks into the kitten's eyes> We have to… uh… we have to… <The kitten licks her hand> Awwwww…..!!!
EM: Lita… Remember what we talked about?
Lita: I changed my mind, Evil Mike! We can't give these kittens aw-HEY!!
<The last outburst was caused by Evil Mike pulling Lita away again.>
EM: LITA!!
Lita: What? Look. Just look at his cute little face! How can I give this cute little guy to a mean old demon?
EM: I don't want to look at his cute little face. I want you to listen to me.
Lita: <petting the kitten> Maybe we can talk this out. I'm sure if we explain our poin of view to this Sharky person, he'll see our side of it and leave us alone!
EM: Lita, that is the *dumbest* thing I have ever heard in my *life*!!!
<Lita, once again overcome by the kitten's magnetic gaze, stands her ground. Finally, Evil Mike leads her to the door. They step out into the corridor leading from the main secret entrance to Diabolik's lair to talk to Sharky and his gang.>
Sharky: Ahh… Evil Mike. Have you brought me those kittens that Mickey owes me?
EM: Just that one.
<Sharky takes the kitten Lita's holding and pockets it. (Lita: Hey!!)>
Sharky: Yes, that's great. Where are the rest?
EM: There's a problem with the rest. I'm going to need a little time--
Sharky: Heh heh… Time, my friend, is what turns kittens into cats! <Sorry! I loved that line! I had to steal it!>
Lita: Look here, Mister Bad Shark Guy! I've had quite enough of you trying to bully us around!!
Sharky: That's a spunky young lady you've got there, Evil Mike. Now is Mickey going to give us those kittens or--
Lita: No. <crosses her arms> You're not getting any more kittens, and that's that!
Sharky: Yes… That's very funny, Miss. <he approaches her menacingly> But the fact is, we are getting those kittens, and a little girl like you isn't going to stop us…
Lita: Mike!!!
EM: Hey, don't threaten my girlfriend. For some reason, she gets upset about things like that.
Sharky: Are you going to stop me, Evil Mike?
EM: As a matter of fact…
<No. He's not. There is a brief scuffle between Evil Mike, the shark demon, and the two vampires. When it's over, Evil Mike is lying on the floor, knocked senseless.>
Lita: Mike!!! <She glares at Sharky and his goons> How *dare* you hurt my Evil Mike like that!!! <She ignores the vampires who are laughing at her and punches Sharky as hard as she can… which might have done the job if he were human. But since Sharky is a scary shark demon it doesn't really make any dent. And now her hand hurts.> Oww… <And now the vampires are approaching Lita with big evil fangy grins.> Eep!
<Sharky raises a hand (fin?) to strike Lita. But just before he does so, he sees the big shadowy figure lurking in the corridor behind Lita. In so much as it's possible for a shark demon to go pale, Sharky goes pale. He's looking at the biggest, hugest, most humongous spider he's ever seen in his life! Spidey bares his many big poiny teeth at Sharky and his gang, and he actually growls at them. Lita's never even heard him growl before. Quite wisely, Sharky's gang runs. Well, not all that wisely. Once they're out the main entrance, the two vampires hit the sunlight and burst into flames. Spidey continues to chase Sharky for a very, very long way. I don't know what Spidey's going to do to Sharky when he eventually catches him, but I probably don't want to know. Meanwhile, back at the lair…>
Lita: <almost in tears> Evil Mike!!! Are you all right? Oh, Mikey, please don't be dead!
EM: <comes around> Ugh… I'm ok… What happened to Shar--
Lita: He's gone! Oh, Evil Mike! I'm so glad you're alive! *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* *ki-- <Adult content omitted>
<Some time later…>
Lita: Evil Mike, we can't keep those kittens.
EM: No. We can't.
Lita: They're distracting us and causing us to act stupidly.
EM: Yes. They are.
Lita: We have to get rid of them.
EM: Yes. We do. That's what I've been saying.
<Lita looks at the door, behind which the rest of GROPE are cuddling, kissing, stroking, and, perhaps most importantly, bonding with all the sweet little kittens.>
Lita: This isn't going to be easy, is it?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Reply Hog
I'm sorry most of the rest of you didn't get lines,
But this reply was all about *MEEEEEEE*!! (YAY!!)
#2054
Lita: (Grabs Mickey by the ear)
Date: 03/31/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
What did you do?!
Mickey: I swear, I've never seen that guy in my life! Ooooh, look at that one!
Lita: He seemed pretty knowledgable with the fact that there was a "Mickey" here.
Mickey: Hey! It's a common name! There's even a song about it!(Lita slaps him) Ow! Maybe it was that sick bastard Mortimer...he strikes me as the gambling type.
Lita: That would be a good poin, except for the fact that he's, oh, I don't know? Dead. Speaking of which, remind me, we need to have a chat about your little murdering problem.
Mickey: Fine, fine...look. I'll tell you the story. The pet store I got those kittens from is the same one me and 42 went too all that time ago. Shraky, um...aquried it in a coorperate takeover. I bought the kittens from him not knowing that he was using it as a front for his loan sharking empire.
Lita: Really?
Mickey: It's the truth, every word of it...well, except for the aquiring in a coorperate takeover part. It really was a big bloody mess that makes me sick just thinking about it. Oh, those poor goldfish...
Lita: We need to get everybody away from the hypnotic power of these kittens and take them too a shelter or something.
Mickey: Ok, you're the thinker...think something.
Lita: Oh no, you got us into this mess, you get us out.
Mickey: Um....okay. Got it.
Lita: That quick?
Mickey: OK (yells to the rest of GROPE) HEY! Who wants "paper towels"?
Everybody (Except Rimmi): I do! I do!
Rimmi: You people are insane.
(As everybody, including Rimmi because it's a convenient plot device, rushes to where Mickey and Lita were, Lita signals to Evil Mike and he gathers the kittens and puts them all inside Spidey)
Lita: I'm off! "Paper Towel" for the road?
Mickey: I didn't say they were *here*.
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
Oh, don't look so down Lita! You're not supposed to "clean" and drive anyway!
#2055
Oh! But wait there's more!
Date: 03/31/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Yes, more rp madness!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gramps: Well, whippersnapper?
Mickey: What?
Tork: The "paper towels".
Mickey: Oh! They're at MSTBlanca!
(OK, time out! I just wanted to poin out that Lita and Evil Mike used their time waiting inside for Sharky to leave by getting rid of their chains in an exciting adventure using hacksaws and candles and two trips to the nurses office. Diabolik has one of those in his lair. Go figure. OK! Time in!)
Rimmi: Mickey, if you're insanity leads us into a trap, I'm leaving GROPE.
Mickey: Hey great! Let's go everybody!
(GROPE arrives at MSTBlanca)
Tork: Wow, that was a long ride!
Gramps: I can't help it if we had to stop every few minutes! I forgot my Depends!
(GROPE enters MSTBlanca)
Mickey: Hey, PM! What's new with...the hell?
PM: (Swinging a big butterfly net) Get it! Get it!
Gramps: GAH! Butterflies! (runs out of MSTBlanca)
Rimmi: Huh.
Tork: What's all the hub bub, Bub?
Sam: Bossman's having a bad trip.
Rick: He keep's seeing skulls everywhere.
Mickey: OK, let me see if I can help...Hey, wait a minute...I work for the side of good...
Lita (runs into MSTBlanca): Except when he's busy murdering people!
Mickey: Oh, will you just take care of your mission?
Lita: I was just trying to help! (leaves)
Mickey: The poin is, why would I help you?
Buffalo: Cause you're da Bboard Neyes gey?
Rick: And you have experience with this kind of thing.
Mickey: Hmmmm...nope
PM: I'll erase your tab and give you free drinks and soup and stuff from now on...THERE IT IS!!!! (Lands the net right on Tork's head)
Tork: *sigh*
Mickey: You're not just lying, right?
PM: Well, yes, but.........it sounded good.
Mickey: Just give us a free "roll of paper towels" now, then.
PM: *sigh* deal.
Mickey: OK, just get some soup and lie down. If Gramps gets back here, he can wave his walker and expell all fleshless skulls from MSTBlanca....(quietly) maybe for a few months.
PM: Sounds good. See you later.
Tork: Finally, "paper towels".
(And Rick does indeed bring them paper towels...actual paper towels)
Rick: Hey! I can't hear quotation marks!
MTG, etc
#2056
Yup. Me again!!!!!!!!!!
Date: 03/31/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Even MORE rp madness!!!!!!!!!
(More misunderstandings later, and GROPE finally leave MSTBlanca without enjoying a single "paper towel". How sad)
PM: It's about time!
Rick: Been seeing skulls, lately?
PM: Nope! Everything seems to be normal, and I just....ahhh! Ahhhh! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Rick: Oh no. I'm soory, boss,. It's just they were being vague about all those paper towels. I had no idea what they meant!
PM: aaaaaa....Oh! "Paper Towels" is slang for drinks!
Rick: I don't get it.
PM: Oh well! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(phone rings) Oh come on! (answers it) Hello?
Buffalo: How kin a skull call someone on the phone?
Sam: I think that'd be cute, ol' buddy.
PM (Hangs up the phone, a little dismayed): Well, everybody...that was...my dogooder brother. He's coming for a visit. Oh, and, Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#2057
[Out of the fog, into the smog...]
Date: 04/01/2002
From: JimmyMobius
<<<Enter the Hero! Mode>>>
[Narrator] ...he walks the streets alone! Seeking injustice wherever he may find it! Relentlessly...
[Jimmy Mobius] I won't stop 'til I find the evil!
[Narrator] Ruthlessly...
[Jimmy Mobius] I wonder where Ruth is?
[Narrator] Doggedly...
[Jimmy is using a newspaper to smack a growling dog that has latched its teeth onto his pant leg.]
[Narrator] At Fourth and Drucker he turns right! At Drucker and Fourth he turns left! He walks across MacArthur Park and into a great sandstone building!
[Jimmy Mobius] OOF! My nose! [He backs up and reads the sign, revealing that it's MSTBlanca. He knocks on the door.] Open up! This is the law!
[Narrator] The door swung open slowly, and shortly thereafter emerged the nefarious criminal mastermind...
[PM] What's all the racket?
[Narrator] Pharaoh Mobius! [A wheezy old organ plays a dramatic stinger.]
[PM] What kind of idiot comes knocking at 4 in the mornin-- Oh, Jimmy, it's you. I see you still have that idiot Narrator tagging along with you.
[Jimmy] Hey! You leave my Narrator alone!
[Narrator] Yeah! I'll have you know I'm a licensed, union Narrator! I do quality work!
[Jimmy] Why do you always have to rag on me and my friends, Joe? Cheez whiz, you're always bein' a jerk! [He starts to get a little teary-eyed.]
[PM] Dammit! Always with the water works when you get your poor widdle feewings hurt! Ya big baby! [Jimmy cries even harder.] Aw, quit yer bawlin'! Just... just come inside, you and your Narrator friend. I'll fix you a couple of drinks, and we can catch up with each other! It'll be like old times!
[Jimmy wipes away his tears and does his best to stop crying.] I can't do that, Joe. I've been sent by the Justice Rangers to bring you to justice!
[PM] I've got Strawberry Quick!
[Jimmy] Well, maybe just *one* drink.
[They go into the bar.]
[Narrator] Will Jimmy Mobius bring his brother to justice? Or will the diabolical Pharaoh Mobius spring a deadly trap on our hero? Find out in the next installment of--
[PM] Dang, Jimmy! Does this guy ever shut up?
[Jimmy] *sigh* Sometimes, I wish he would.
Captain Jimmy Mobius of the Justice Rangers
FOR FREEDOM!
#2058
Riding away in Spidey...
Date: 04/04/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<Lita is at the wheel. Like you needed me to tell you that.>
Lita: So… I'm kind of confused.
Tork: What about?
Lita: The skull thing. Did grampy get rid of the skull or not? That wasn't quite clear to me.
gramps: Of course I didn't, whippersnapper!
Lita: You didn't? Then what did you do?
gramps: I dunno. I wasn't really paying attention. I might have just made it friendlier.
Mickey: Well, that makes a whole bucket load of sense…
Tork: Yeah. Helping our enemy make friends…
Rimmer: Thanks a bunch, gramps!
gramps: Pipe down you smart-mouth kids!
Lita: All right…. I think I get it now. It's just I thought you said you got rid of--
gramps: Well, I didn't ok?
Lita: I guess…
gramps: I *would* have, if they'd given me booze, like we wanted. But *nooooooo*! Rick had to give me actual paper towels!!! And you should pay attention to the plot, Lita!
Lita: All right! I get it! Ok!
gramps: Ok!
Lita: Ok!!
gramps: OK!!
Lita: OKAY!!!
gramps: OKAY!!1!!
Lita: *OKAY*!!1!!1!!
<They go on like this for a few minutes, until Evil Mike finally gets sick of it and covers Lita's mouth with his hand.
Lita: *OKA--MMMPH!11!!
gramps: What? Ha! I win! You quit saying ok first!
Lita: Mmmph mm mph mmmph hmh. <Translation: Nuh-uh! It's not my fault EM stopped me! You started talking all on your own!>
Rimmi: I gotta go with Lita on this one, gramps.
gramps: D'oh!!
Lita: Mmph mmph!! <Translation: Ha ha!!>
***
<At MSTBlanca…>
PM: So… Jimmy. How's life been treating you-- What the hell?
Jimmy Mobius: Hey, mind your language!
<PM looks down at what caused his outburst. The skull is down there on the floor, rubbing itself affectionately against his ankle.>
PM: Gah! Stop it! I thought you'd left!
<He kicks the skull, causing it to roll across the floor. When it stops, it gives him a reproachful look, and then rolls back.>
PM: Look, go away!!
Jimmy Mobius: <A little hurt> Aww… Joe… I'm your brother…
PM: Oh, shut up. I'm talking to this skull!
Jimmy Mobius: What skull?
Buffalo: Looks lahke he's gone tah hallucinatin' ahgin.
PM: I'm not hallucinating! It's that stupid skull!
Skull: Hey, I'm not stupid! Don't be mean!
PM: Huh? <He picks up the skull> You can talk?
Jimmy: Er… hey, Joe, are you all right?
<Jimmy looks questioningly at Rick who circles his finger by his ear in the "he's nuts" gesture. When PM turns to look at him, Rick switches to pretending he's scratching his head just in time.>
Skull: Of course I can talk! Why wouldn't I be able to talk?
PM: Well… Before you were just screaming…
Skull: Well, put yourself in my place! Wouldn't you scream if you were just a skull without a body or skin or anything?
PM: Er… I guess I can see your poin…
Skull: Oh, let's not fight, Pharaoh Guy!!! I just know we're gonna be the bestest of friends!!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
knows the skull was semi-written out already,
but she just wants to have more fun with it!!
Is that wrong?
#2059
[back at Diabolik's lair] _
Date: 04/05/2002
From: Tork_110
If you want to read the reply, you'll have to click it.
Rimmi: Where is it?
gramps: What?
Rimmi: My diary. It's gone.
gramps: Where did you last put it?
Rimmi: I thought I hid it over here <she poins>, but I can't find it.
<gramps and Rimmi search for the diary for several hours.>
Rimmi: Where could it be? *sniff*
gramps: Are you crying, Rimmi?
Rimmi: What if someone else has it? What if they found out all my secrets?! (noticably upset) What if Lita found out about the stuff EM and I did behind her back?! What if Mickey knew about all those mean things I wrote about him!? (even more upset) What if PM has it and he now knows of all our plans?!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF SOMEONE ELSE READ MY DIARY!!!111!
<Tork walks in.>
Tork: Rimmi! I found this book with your name on it. Here you go.
Rimmi: Tork! Did you read this?
Tork: No.
Rimmi: Oh, good. Great! Thanks. *phew*
Tork_110
Thanks for not drinking for a whole reply, gramps! It's hard to write drunk dialogue.
Next up: Lita goes on vacation
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